The Fault in Our Stars is completely gut wrenching to the point where it almost made me feel sick. You know that feeling you get in your throat when you know you’re about to cry but you don’t want to? Yeah, I had that for, like, 90% of the movie. Ugh. I didn’t even cry in A Walk to Remember but somehow this film got to me.
Let’s start from the beginning.
We’re introduced to Hazel Grace, a sixteen-year-old with some sort of cancer that affects her lungs. Understandably, Hazel doesn’t want to go to Support Group, but alas! She runs into Augustus Waters, who’s super cute in a weird way (am I attracted to him? Am I not? I don’t know???). He’s confident and flirtatious, and says things like “you’re beautiful” when they’ve only known each other for, like, two minutes. Whatever. Hazel goes back to cute-in-a-weird-way-guy’s house to watch movies. If this were real life these teenagers would definitely not be watching movies because anyone who’s anyone knows “movies and chill” = NOT movies and chill, and 100% booty call.
Instead, the two discuss books and Hazel tells Augustus her favourite is An Imperial Affliction. Augustus agrees to read it, and promises to call her once he’s finished. Once he does, he texts Hazel and she goes over to his house to talk about it.
This is when audiences are introduced to one of the side plots that later on is actually the main reason I cried – but I’ll explain further on. Their other support group friend, Isaac, is about to lose his eye to cancer (the only had one working, now he’ll be blind) and his girlfriend broke up with him before the surgery, because she couldn’t handle it. Um. Ok. Having a blind boyfriend means never having to look good again, so I don’t really understand her logic. Though I guess when you’re blind your other senses heighten, so she’d have to shave her legs, like, really well in case his touch sense is better. Or shower all the time in case he can smell her. But still, she’s a massive bitch and Augustus and Hazel are trying to calm him down, but he can’t be calmed, and instead breaks all of Augustus’s shit instead.
While Isaac does this, Augustus complains about how An Imperial Affliction has no ending. Hazel goes onto say how it’s believable, because people die all the time. Do you think this is a connection to how the ending of this movie will be??? Are they giving us a sign?? I hope no one dies.
After a few montage-y scenes of Hazel and Augustus getting closer, building a relationship, falling in love etc, Augustus reveals that he’s been emailing Peter Van Houten, the author of An Imperial Affliction. (Sidenote: Hazel says she’s written him fan mail but never gotten a reply. Why didn’t she try email like Augustus? Like… everyone uses technology these days? Ok, Hazel. Ok.) Van Houten invites them to Amsterdam to talk about the ending of his novel, but Hazel’s parents can’t afford to pay for her to go and the scene between her mother and Hazel is 105% sad. All she wants to do is make her daughter happy and healthy and she can’t do either. Sob.
Later on, Augustus shows up on Hazel’s door step with a bunch of flowers. Please stop being so perfect. By this time I’m like, yeah, you’re definitely hot. I mean, before, I was like ‘eh’. It’s weird how a personality can really lift someone’s looks (Andy Samberg, Maggie Gyllenhaal, etc).
Hazel and Augustus have a picnic where he admits he’s a virgin. At this point, my sister sitting next to me points out how there’s no way he’s a virgin with his charm and looks, even with one leg. Definitely agree, but for the sake of the story, carry on.
Augustus tells Hazel that he hasn’t used his “Wish” yet – something that’s not really explained but I’m guessing some organization offers a wish to each cancer patient. All I know is Hazel used hers on Disneyworld, but Augustus is happy to use his on Hazel to take her to Amsterdam. A+ boyfriend. Except they’re not together, so, A+ just friend. Around here is where every boy between the ages of 15-20 yells “FRIENDZONED” for the (not so funny) lols.
After a few bumps along the way (Hazel gets sick, goes to hospital, gets told she can’t go to Amsterdam!! But a few days later she’s alright and can go now. Anti-climax. Also, she tells Augustus she’s a grenade and he should stay away but he, like, can’t), Hazel and Augustus are finally on their way to Amsterdam. Oh, and Hazel’s mum tags along. Super awkward third wheeling.
When the two of them finally meet Peter Van Hauten, things go waaaay worse than expected. There’s a saying that goes “don’t meet your idol”, or something like that, because they’ll disappoint you. Hazel should’ve taken note. Peter’s a complete dick and talks some shit about how kids with cancer have privilege and everyone treats them too nice. I expect Augustus to punch him or do something cool and heroric, but he just kinda sits there (demoted to A- boyfriend) and instead Hazel yells at him and calls him douchepants.
They storm out and decide to visit the Anne Frank house, where we have long shots of Hazel struggling to walk up stairs because her “lungs suck at being lungs”. When they make it to the top, Hazel and Augustus kiss for the first time! People around them start clapping for some unknown reason. When I see teenagers kissing I give them a dirty look, but apparently in Amsterdam, it’s celebrated. After this, they escape to Augustus’s room and have awkward teenaged sex which is even more awkward to watch.
The next day Augustus asks Hazel to go for a walk, where he tells her HIS CANCER HAS RETURNED. CUE EVERYONE IN CINEMA CRYING. Except me – I just kept blinking really fast and choking back that feeling in my throat, repeating “it’s just a movie it’s just a movie it’s just a movie it’s not real” in my head. This method works, so in order to survive this movie, I suggest chanting that over and over. This scene will challenge you and probably make you cry, if you have a heart.
The three of them leave America, and back in their hometown it’s pretty apparent how bad Augustus’ health is getting. The second worst scene happens: Augustus stranded, sick, at a gas station, wanting to do something for himself. Ugh. Ansel Elgort does amazing in this scene, threatening to never forgive Hazel if she calls 911. Being a sane person, she does.
Not long after, Augustus makes Isaac and Hazel read out their eulogies for him while he’s still alive. Okay, this scene was when I cried: when Isaac explains how even if, in the future, technology allows him to see again, he wouldn’t do it, becacuse he doesn’t want to see a world without Augustus.
UGLY CRYING FOLLOWS. THE BROMANCE IS STRONG IN THESE TWO.
Hazel reads her eulogy for Augustus and that’s sad, too. Talks something about infinities and how she wishes Augustus had more time. I’m still thinking about Isaac’s speech, so I’m not really listening, but yeah, it’s sad. 170% of the audience is crying right now.
A few scenes later Hazel says “Augustus Waters died 8 days…” and by then I can’t really hear the rest of her sentence because of the loud sobs from those around me. A completely heart breaking scene of Hazel crying in bed makes me want to run out of the theatre but I don’t, I sit there in agony watching Shailene Woodley’s really, honestly, awesome performance.
At the funeral, Hazel sees Peter Van Houten there, and he tries to give her a piece of paper that everyone knows has something to do with Augustus but she’s all “No! I don’t care!” and everyone sighs. When Isaac tells her it’s actually from Gus, she panics, and goes back to her car to find the paper. Another montage follows of Hazel and Augustus, reminding us that they were SO IN LOVE AND NOW HE’S DEAD. HERE’S SOME SCENES TO REMIND YOU THAT HE, AUGUSTUS, IS DEAD. THAT THEIR ROMANCE IS DEAD.
In case you forgot.
Anyway, then she sits on the grass, crying and holding the paper close to her heart and then the movie ENDS just like that and I don’t even have enough time to wipe the tears from my eyes before the lights come on. Like, really? The funeral was five minutes from the end of the film. Don’t… have time… to process.. the emotions… that just happened.
How to survive the Fault in Our stars?
– tissues
– the chant I mentioned
– don’t see the movie in the first place
– don’t have emotions
– lots of junk food to shove in your face when the sad parts come on.
Let me know what you thought of the movie! Did you love it? Hate it? Cry? What part did you cry most in? If you didn’t cry, I wanna know! (So I can figure out what went wrong in your life to make you have no heart)
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